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5 Wonky Ways to Kill Time Before a Delayed Flight

by Gary Havarian

Airport

You can't be a frequent flier without running into a delayed flight from time to time. Weather, mechanical issues ,or the always-reliable Murphy's Law, will inevitably leave you stranded at the terminal, in need of entertainment. Here are five wonderfully wonky ways you can kill time during your next delay...and five alternatives that won't get you arrested.

1. Steal a Priceless Treasure

Many airports have art installations or small museums. If you can't find anything like that, try looking for some really rich people carrying a priceless work of art. If they're rich enough, they won't miss it. In fact, they'll probably be glad you took it off their hands. Once you get the treasure onto the plane, you've probably committed the perfect crime and will never, ever face any consequences for your criminal behavior.

Arrest-free Alternative:

Use your laptop to go on the Internet to download games like Jewel Quest or Island Treasure. You can make jewels and mythical treasures disappear without fear of incarceration or help a cursed pirate become un-cursed through different island adventures, respectively.

2. Super Nanny to the Rescue!

Have you ever been to an airport completely devoid of misbehaving children? I have. Once. In a dream. In the real world, however, traveling parents are often over-stressed, over-tired and generally over it. Since you have some spare time, pop over to the nearest family in crisis (they can be identified by loud, whiny children and a defeated looking parent with food in their hair) and teach the children some quality life lessons. Good topics include: sharing, being reasonably quiet in public places, not hitting our siblings and respecting the time-out area. Mary-Poppins the crap outta those kids and the world will thank you.

Arrest-free Alternative:

Not all parents accept constructive criticism well and some might think you're trying to abduct their kids. So, put on your headphones and stream an episode of "16 & Pregnant." Maybe it's just a bad day for that family, otherwise karma will get 'em.

3. Make Your Directorial Debut

Have you ever watched a TV show and thought, "this is awful. I could do better than this!" Well, now's your chance. Don't spend money on fancy equipment, permits or sets. Use what you have and start filming guerilla-style. One potential plot you could use is a show set at an airport about crimes at airports. Get gritty with it and feel free to utilize incendiary language like "bomb," "terror attack," "crime at the airport." TSA agents and air marshals on duty will probably jump at the chance to participate in your artistic endeavor.

Arrest-free Alternative:

Maybe just start writing a script. Or catch up on emails. That works too.

4. Take the Stage

Are you tired of boring announcements about things that don't concern you? I bet your fellow travelers are, too! Now would be a great time to try your hand at some stand-up comedy. Just approach the gate agent and comandeer the public address system. Warm up the crowd with some favorite jokes from classic comedians like Chris Farley, Dane Cook or George Carlin. Then, pontificate on the state of the world in the style of Louis C.K. or Jerry Seinfeld. Don't forget to do some impressions as well. Everyone loves a good Quagmire from "Family Guy," some Christopher Walken and - don't forget the sci-fi fans out there - Chewbacca from "Star Wars."

Arrest-free Alternative:

Read a book. To yourself. Quietly.

5. Try Out Terminal Pan-Handling.

Airport food is expensive. Kill time and make a buck by singing for your supper. Plant yourself on the floor with an empty cup in which you'll receive tips and sing for your supper. Maximize profits by taking requests for a minimal donation and displaying a handmade sign designed to elicit sympathy from the masses. Don't worry about being "in the way" because if you're not in a hurry, why should anyone else be?

Arrest-free Alternative:

Have you tried Spotify yet? Do that. Sit somewhere you won't get trodden on and break out the headphones. You can listen to lots of other artists sing great songs and maybe discover a few new artists.

Gary Havarian Once a wayward hitchhiker, Gary decided that he would make traveling and writing for travelogues and travel sites when he returned from Afghanistan two years ago and he has been fairly successful in his writing since.

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